did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
