Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
