NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
well you can't waste a boner
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
