so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
