I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
