they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
