You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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