Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
and you fell through a lawn chair
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
