I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
