I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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