the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
