you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
