so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
