I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
