I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
