Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
