ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Floor bacon is actually really good
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
