so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
