im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize