i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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