didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm too high and old for this...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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