He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
