U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
