whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
