My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
