woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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