Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!