I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.