It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Can vaginas get frostbite?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?