So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
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i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
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No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
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