going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.