Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
