Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
No subtext here. People are naked.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
