I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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