Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I need a burrito and a hug.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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