Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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