The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
