i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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