Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
