Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i now understand why vodka
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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