every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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