If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
