Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
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Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
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I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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