Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
