If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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