I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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