Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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