no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
