why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
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They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
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Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
COCAINE IS GR8
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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