Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
