i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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