and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
MIDGETS
????
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
