It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
