i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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