...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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