I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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