dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
