I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
