Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
