When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
