Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
