He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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