how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
