I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
