I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize